So, here’s the deal. I have a great job. It is incredibly unlikely that you have a job offer that I would seriously consider. But, it’s possible that you do. Here are the core requirements of what it would have to have.


I like to not worry about things. Worrying is annoying and stressful. When it comes to my work, I don’t want to worry about it suddenly disappearing on me. Apple is not going to go anywhere any time soon. Working there means that I can be confident that, ten or twenty years from now, I will still be working there. As a father and a husband, I want a job where I can be confident that my family will always have what it needs.

Does your company have sufficient financial security to be stable for the next ten years?


Our family is located to Utah. If you’re not located in Utah or don’t offer the ability to work remotely, then you’re going to have a very hard time convincing me to look.

Does your company go beyond the bare minimum of tolerating remote employees, and instead embraces, accepts, and efficiently integrates them?


My family is very important to me. They get first priority access to my time. That means that, come 5 PM local time, my work day ends. Once in a very great while I’m willing to work longer hours to meet a specific deadline, but that is an exception and never a rule.

How often do your team members work late, weekends, or while on vacation?


I want the company I work for to be an ethical one. There’s software out there that will be seen by millions of people, but that doesn’t mean it’s good software or that it will enrich their lives and help them be happy and productive. That’s what I want to work on, and I want to work with people who share these goals.

How does your company measure your real-world impact, and do you measure it as seriously as your in-app metrics?


It is very important to me to work for a company that has aspirations larger than just turning a profit. I’m interested in working for a company committed to making the world a better place for everyone. I want to work for a company that cares about the environment, cares about increasing quality of life for everyone, and cares about human dignity.

What changes has your company made because they were the right thing to do, even if they cost the company money?


I value personal and profession growth. It’s important to me to work for a company that supports that and has clear paths defined for constant learning, job progression, mentoring, and promotion.

Does your company provide clear leveling, mentoring, and educational guidelines and opportunities? Who in your company has grown from a junior developer into a senior role?


It’s a well-established fact that it’s far easier for engineers to get promotions and raises by switching companies every couple of years. This hurts your company as hard-won knowledge literally walks out the door.

Does your company provide market-competing raises, beyond cost-of-living adjustments? Is it easy for your employees to turn down incoming offers because you’re already competitive and fairly compensating them?

If you think your offer meets all of these requirements, then let’s talk.

It’s also worth pointing out that I may be susceptible to bribes involving peanut butter and chocolate, The Macallan scotch, or rare editions of Brandon Sanderson’s books.