If iPads were meant for kids

I bought my kids (6 & 8) their own iPads last fall. I’m nice, and I’m fortunate to be able to afford it. However, I’ve come to realize that despite my attempts to spoil my kids, these iPads (and all iOS devices in general) are not meant for kids.

Now, I realize this might be a controversial statement, especially because it seems counter to a lot of Apple’s advertising. But hear me out.

If iPads were meant for kids, then there would be ways to lock down a device more than it currently allows. My kids don’t need passcodes on their devices. They don’t need push notifications. They don’t need Wallet or Apple Pay. Or setting up custom keyboards. Or changing the region or date. They don’t need almost anything in the Settings app.

If iPads were meant for kids, then there would be a way for apps to know what the allowed content ratings are. An app should be able to know that I’ve only allowed G and PG media on the device. The Youtube app wouldn’t need its own rating system, and youtube.com would have some WebKit api to call to know to only allow kid-appropriate videos.

If iPads were meant for kids, then there would be a way to limit how long they can use an iPad. They’d get reminders when they have 15 … 10 … 5 … 1 minute left of usage time, and then the device would lock and they wouldn’t be able to get back in without the parental passcode.

If iPads were meant for kids, then there would be a way to make the iPad turn off when it’s bed time and not turn on again until morning. My son likes to sneak in to our room and take his iPad back from wherever we’ve stashed it, and then stay up until nearly midnight playing Angry Birds.

If iPads were meant for kids, then there would be a way to turn off/hide all their games when they’re supposed to be doing their homework. But you can’t “hide” apps without straight-up deleting them. And all of the remote management systems out there that allow this require device supervision (and not just MDM) and are a complete pain to set up and administer.

If iPads were meant for kids, then there would be a way for parents to remotely monitor how the kids are using their iPads. I’d have a dashboard view of how long they’re spending in each app, and when they last used it, so I can verify that when they say the spent 15 minutes doing their homework in Lexia, they aren’t trying to hide that they were really playing Angry Birds. I’d get to see what insipid youtube videos they’re watching, and I’d be able to remotely instruct the Youtube app to no longer allow videos that teach them to destroy their toys and repurpose them using superglue and nail polish.

If iPads were meant for kids, then the parent remote control app on my iPhone would let me remotely install apps on their iPads. Ask-to-buy is pretty good, but I don’t really want my kids having access to the App Store at all, because then they tend to bug me to install whatever the latest pay-to-play app is that they then end up whining about how they can’t make any progress because I refuse to pay to unlock whatever gems/crystals/coins they need in order to advance.

If iPads were meant for kids, then there would be a way to completely turn off the idiotic “Finish setting up this device” nag that largely forces kids (because Red Dots Are Annoying™) to set passcodes they immediately forget. Again, my kids don’t need passcodes on their devices.

If iPads were meant for kids, then there would be a way to disable iMessage and FaceTime entirely except for a couple of allowed addresses. They can text daddy, mommy, grandma, and maybe some of their favorite aunts/uncles/cousins.

If iPads were meant for kids, then I, as a parent, would be able to set a parent passcode on a device in order to unlock it, even when the kids have forgotten their passcodes for the 17th time, so I don’t have to spend another hour or two getting the device in to DFU mode, re-installing the OS, and then re-downloading all of the apps they had that have now lost all of their local-stored data.

If iPads were meant for kids, then there would actually be any sort of parental controls, and not hacks that involve abusing the accessibility functionality of the devices. Guided access just doesn’t cut it.

If iPads were meant for kids, then I would not be writing this post.

But, since none of these things exist and this post does, then I have to conclude that iPads were not meant for kids. It boggles my mind that Apple pretends that they are, because everything about iOS leads you to the inevitable conclusion that unless you’re the tech-savvy adult using the device, it’s just not for you.


Related️️ Posts️

A Better MVC, Part 5: An Evolution
Apple Networking Feedback
Swift Protocols Wishlist
Simplifying Swift framework development
Reading your own entitlements
A Better MVC, Part 4: Future Directions
A Better MVC, Part 3: Fixing Massive View Controller
A Better MVC, Part 2: Fixing Encapsulation
A Better MVC, Part 1: The Problems
Keynote's awesome Outline Mode
iOS Feature Wish: Contact Provider Extensions
Every beginning has an end
Changes
Incrementing Build Numbers in Xcode